so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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