I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
