Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
