So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
