About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
