the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
