yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
