Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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