Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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