dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
