and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
