Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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