Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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