How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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