I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
