where am i from again
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
