so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
