i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
