Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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