The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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