Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
