so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
