Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
