At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
