I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
