Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
