And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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