Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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