i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
