Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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