I look better un-naked...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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