he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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