Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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