Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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