The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
