Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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