She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
