dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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