perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
