im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
