He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
