also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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