Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
