Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's blow job season.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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