Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
