So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
