hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
