I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
