im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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