I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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