I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
