yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
