i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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