I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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