Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Farmville is her only friend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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