i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
