Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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