My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
