...so i touched it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
