i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
