Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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