just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
