In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
