I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
