The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
