I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
