she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
