Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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