she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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