What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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