Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
