nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
3 2 1 whiskey
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
