i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
