this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
