dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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