jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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