Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
